What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
