omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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