i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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