His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
