remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
