I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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