Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
