i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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