the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
