I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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