It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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