i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
