I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
