Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
