ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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