Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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