I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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