I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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