Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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