yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
