So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
