Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
