I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
