"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
