The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
