so explain again why im purple
no
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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