I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
