Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The adults are the big ones right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
