I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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