Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
