apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
