thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
