so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
