she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We left the knife in your bed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
