So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
