I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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