If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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