OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What drink are we having for lunch?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
