I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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