U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
