When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
