dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
sex in a hospital.. check
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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