I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
