Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
