I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
