it wasn't lemon gatorade
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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