Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
