ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
