Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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