I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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