GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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