i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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