I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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