the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
