Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
